That's how I'm feeling these days. Why is it that it is so freakin' easy for most women to get pregnant. And I can't. The one thing that I want more than anything I can't have. I feel like such a failure. I'm failing myself. I'm failing my family. And most of all, I'm failing Kyle. He wants to be a Dad as much as I want to be a Mom. And that is a lot. And he is going to be an incredible Dad. Some day. But I have no idea when or how far off that day is.
It seems like every week, I find out someone else is pregnant. The list just keeps growing. And all of these pregnant women that I know, and all of the women who have just recently gave birth, they all get pregnant so easily. Most of them were either on accident or only trying for a few months. I have not been on birth control since January of 2006. And September 2006 when Kyle got home from Rhode Island is when we started trying. Two and a half years. Two and a half years!
The past few months with us not trying, I have been holding my shit together really well. But lately, it's slowly unraveling. And I can't stop it or fix it. And no, trying to get pregnant again is not an option to fix it. Why do I have to want this so much? Why can't I just say to myself, "You know Tiffany, it's not that big of a deal that you can't get pregnant. Get over it. Move on." Why can't it be that easy?? I'm not a bad person. I know I'm going to be a great Mom. But when?
I'm tired of disappointment. I'm tired of being broken hearted. I'm tired of crying.
2 comments:
Tiff, I wish there was something I could do or say that would maybe easy the pain a smidgen of an inch, but I know there is not. I will say that I think of you and Kyle often, and while I'm not "religious" I do pray for you! Lots of hugs!
Thank-you ma'am! I do appreciate the thoughts! :)
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