Hands, touching hands!

I was editing photos and came across this one. I had forgotten I had taken it. This mural was painted on the side of a building in downtown Lynchburg, VA. I wish I would have gotten a better picture of it, but it was taken as we were driving by. I like it though. I think I will hang it in the nursery. I had already planned on using my own photography as wall in there (as I already have in the rest of my house as well!), but this picture is more than just art. it has an important meaning behind. I will teach our children tolerance and open-mindedness to everyone. You don't judge anyone based on their skin color, their sexuality, their religion, or their life choices. I think respect, tolerance, and manners are three of the most important things a kid needs to know! Alright, I'll step off of my soap box now, but I just wanted to share this photo.

Frustrating.

Last night I went over to a friend's house to hang out. Her Mom was in town and had a few drinks. I was showing my friend our profile, and her Mom started asking questions. "Profile for what? Adopting? A baby? How old are you? May I ask why you need to adopt? Have you given it plenty of time?" And then proceeded to tell me that I was definitely going to get pregnant. Several times. And then when she saw the picture of the nursery, she told me that we would definitely be using it soon. And I was like, "yeah I know!" And she said "no, for your own baby". And I was like, "yeah I know. It will be our baby." And she was like, "no, your own real baby." My friend was really embarrassed for her Mom. She felt really bad. I hate that I have to encounter conversations like this one, or that anyone has to, for that matter. Why are people so incessant that once you adopt, you'll get pregnant? I read once that it was something like only 10% of couples that do get pregnant. Yet everyone knows someone who knows someone that it happened to. And yes, I get that it does happen. But adoption is not a cure for infertility. And I don't think people understand how much it sucks to hear. To me, it is up there with telling someone to relax and just quit thinking about it, and you'll get pregnant. It's just not cool. When will people learn? Why is it so hard to have some tact?

Does it ever end? Actually, I don't think it ever does. Once we adopt, I'm sure we will always hear about it. And if we adopt trans-racially, I can only imagine the endless comments that we'll hear, above the other comments about adoption. And Heaven forbid we do end up getting pregnant! I can only imagine what we'll hear! *rolls eyes*

Alright, that is the end of my rambling rant for today! I'm off to go get the supplies to build cookies! Apparently Kyle volunteered me to make 6 dozen cookies (at least!) for the guys! They have to work tomorrow, so they're having their own potluck BBQ at work! Lots of  baking to be done! I hope you are all enjoying your long weekend!

Sneaky peek!

I am pretty much done with our profile! It took awhile because our agency lets us have a huge one! Our's has 25 pages, I think? But it allowed me to use a ton of photos! I'm not so great with words (I will never claim to be a writer), but pictures? I know pictures! And we have so many great ones! What I hope I accomplished in our profile is that it says "Kyle and Tiff". I hope that our personalities shine through! So far, several friends who have seen it said that I accomplished it. But they're also biased. LoL I'm pretty proud of it! Want to see a sample?? Here are a few of my favorite pages!

If you want to see more, email me and I'll send you the link to the rest of it! (It's at the very top of the page right? If not, should be if you click view profile). I'm still not 100% happy with the Dear Birth Mother letter...but being really happy with the rest of it helps a lot! I'll keep tweaking until I'm satisfied! It's not like it has to be done tomorrow.

I've been in kind of a funk the last few days. I know that it's just my PMS talking though. I hate being all sad and emotional. Yesterday I was really missing all of my friends. I hate only knowing a couple of people here. When you just want to hang out with someone, but you can't. Sucks. And today, I was missing my family. My brother and his wife are home right now, and they're having a great time. But I was stuck here, home alone. And then I was all butt-hurt because tomorrow is their baby shower. And it made me sad because that should be Kyle and I's. We should be the ones expecting. And yes, I know that we're getting closer, but we still don't know how long it will be. And normally I'm really good about being optimistic, but like I said, damn PMS. Gets me every time. Oh well, I will get over. I always do!And then I was bummed because I wanted my Mom to look at our profile, but with them being there she is really busy and hasn't gotten to it yet. And it kind of broke my feelers. But like I said, it doesn't take much! But I'm on my way back up! Thank goodness!

Anyway, Kyle should be home soon! So I'm out. I hope everyone has a fantastic holiday weekend! Have fun and be safe!

Fail.

After much deliberation, I deleted my last post. I thought it was absolutely hysterical, and silly, and so ridiculous that nobody would take it seriously. But unfortunately a couple of people disagreed. Normally I don't care what other people think, but it was two important people in my life. Kyle being one, and an old family friend who has worked in a state job with social services for years being the other. She reminded me that some agencies use Facebook and other public forums (i.e. Blogger) to see what kind of person you really are. Now normally, I'm like a loud and proud gay man with who I am. And I don't like to pretend I'm someone I'm not. But Kyle's point was that this was something that was directly related to our adoption. And he just didn't think it was smart. I feel like a hypocrite deleting that post, but how can I argue something like that with my husband, you know? He is as big of a part of this process as I am. So alas, it's deleted. Someone please stroke my ego and tell me that it doesn't make me an impostor?! I am glad that the few of you that had a chance to comment on it found it as amusing as I did. And I love knowing that I have friends that know how to take a joke! But I guess everyone doesn't possess that ability. *shrugs* What can you do right? But anyway, there you have it. It's gone now.

Follow me! Pretty please?!

I'm thinking that when I reach 50 followers I'm going to do a give-away! Not sure what I'll give away, just yet...any suggestions? Should it be something baby related, since most of my followers are doing the adoption thing? Or should it be something for big kids? An original photo by Tiffany? Books? A box full of random goodies, like my PLP Sabrina just did? Hmm...but I'm only at 27 now, so please feel free to share my blog with others who have similar interests! Whore me out, k? Hehe! And if you're a random stalker who stops in often, follow me, and say hello! I'm nosey and love to know who's following me around the interwebs!

I am so ashamed of myself. Today, I had to go to the post office. I didn't want to leave my house as it was, because I started this morning and had some killer cramps. But my brother and SIL's baby shower is this weekend, so I HAD to mail the gift so that it would get there in time. Anyway, I also needed to stop into CVS, which is right across the street. And when I left, I really wanted a coffee. But I didn't feel like going the extra 5 minutes into Saratoga to go to my beloved Star.bucks. It's not a drive-thru so I would have had to find parking and blah blah blah! Plus, I was looking a hot mess! So I did the unthinkable. I went to Dunkin.Donuts! *gasp* LoL And of course, I was sorely disappointed. Their coffee just isn't as good. Fail! Guess that's what I get for thinking I could cheat on my first love! *giggles*

Kyle started swing shift today. with his current command, he'll rotate shifts every 7 days. TOday he started the 2 p.m. to midnight shift. Then after 7 days, he'll get almost two days off, then go to nights, then two days off, then days, and two days off, then four days of training, then a 4 day weekend. Aaaaannd repeat! Seems like it sucks, but trust, it is waaaaaaaaaay better than when he was on the ship! He was never home! Gone out to sea all of the time, and when they were home, every 3rd night he had to spend the night on the ship for duty. So I will take this rotating shift work any day!

Thanks for the input on my last post! I wasn't calling anyone out, in particular. This is something that I have been thinking about posting for forever! But never got around to it. And then, when two of the blogs that I followed went private within a week of each other, it reminded me of the post.

I'm off to dope myself up with Midol and chocolate! Someone come over and make me that box of brownies that is in my pantry! Triple chocolate! *drools* Now, where the eff is my heating pad?!

Just curious...

A lot of the blogs that I follow are either private or anonymous. And I know that everyone has their own reasons for why, but I want to know what YOUR reason is. Why do you either a.)have you blog where only people you invite can view it. Or b.)You don't reveal personal information, including name, general location, photos, etc. Like I said, I've just always wondered what people's reasons were.

For me, I have everything out in the open because that's just who I am. I don't do secrets, I tell people my life story (whether they want to hear it or not! HA!), and I use our real names and general location. *shrugs* To me, there is nothing that needs to be private. And when we have kids, I will definitely be putting their pictures and real names on here. None of that nickname stuff, unless it's just a silly nickname that I use, in addition to their real name. I never understood the people who make theirs private so that "weirdos out there can't see their child". Just seems silly, but I know a lot of people do it!

So there's your discussion for today! Tell me why you choose to have your blog public or private, and why you choose to use your real information or not. And if you are in the process of waiting for your baby, do you plan on posting names or photos of your child? No judgement! Just looking for some insight! Discuss amongst yourselves - *said in best Bronx accent* And report back here!

Mmmm, cheesecake!

Thursday I went and hung out with my new boss-to-be, and the girls! Katie and Maddie are just dolls! They have grown so much since the last time I saw them, a month and half ago. They are almost 6 months old, but they each only weigh around 11 pounds! But then again, their adjusted age is only 3 months old. They are tiny, but both doing so great! I can't wait to hang out with them every day! Tomorrow, I get my first trial run. I will be baby-sitting them all day. And then June 1st, I start full time! I will be sure to take some pictures of them tomorrow!

I was so nervous to tell Melissa that we were going to be adopting. She had said that she didn't want a nanny with children. I was afraid she would want to find someone else when she found out that sometime soonish, we will have a baby. But she wasn't! She was really excited for us, which was great! She even said that she would hang on to all of the girls' clothes, in case we get a girl! Yay for freebies! I also found out that she is a former IFer herself, so she has been there and done that, and knows what it's like! I hate having that in common with someone, but it's also nice to have someone who knows what it's like.

Everything on the adoption front is going really well! We are now just waiting for all of our clearences. Oh and Kyle has to do his physical, but that's on Thursday. Hopefully everything goes through quickly! I've been working on the profile too! I've got 6 pages done so far, plus the Dear Birth Mother letter. It's not a lot, but I'm getting there! Our profile can be up to 24 pages! Seems like a lot! But that's okay, because I have a ton of pictures!

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend! Smooches!

Little of this, little of that.

I was finally able to finish the first draft of our match letter. I know that I will change it at least a few more times, but like you guys kept telling me, getting the first draft out of the way is the hardest part. That part is all downhill from here, right? I also have mailed all of the paperwork back to the agency except our physical forms that have to be filled out by the doctor. I have an appointment on Wedesday for that, and hopefully Kyle will make his appointment tomorrow for as soon as possible. I can't wait for all of our forms to clear so that we can get started with the social worker! ::squee!!!::

I got my digital scrapbooking software in the mail today! I decided to do our profile digitally so that when the agency needs more copies, after the initial 5, all I will have to do is just print out more pages, instead of doing it by hand. I went with the Memory Mixer 3 software, and so far it seems like a lot of fun! Hopefully I can create some neat pages! So far, the one I did just seems kind of plain and lame. I need to be more creative, but I've never been much of a scrapbooker! This is the one I have done so far.


What else? What else? Hmm...on Thursday I'm going to go hang out with my new boss, and see the girls' routine. And then on Sunday, I'll be baby-sitting them all day, for the first time. Hopefully it goes well! But I'm not too worried about it. I'm actually looking forward to going back to work! Not only have I been getting bored, but i really enjoy being a nanny! It's a great job!

Anyway, I need to get to bed. I tucked Kyle in over an hour. Guess it's my turn now! Good night, Pretties!

Who wants a free ugly.doll?!

My best friend Sabrina is having an ugly doll give away over at her blog! She's giving a handmade ugly doll to the person who has the most referrals, and then one to a random new follower! They are so ugly, that they're cute! And who wouldn't love to add one of these to their collection of things for baby?? Go here and tell her that I sent you! We both win! So go go go! Right now!

I'm stuck.

I have been trying to write our "Dear Birth Mother Letter". And I am having some trouble. Did you guys have a hard time writing it? I just keep thinking, how do you write a letter to someone that you've never met, telling them why you would be a better parent to their child than they would be? And I know that isn't what this letter is for, but when it comes down to it, it kind of is. Expectant mothers are reading these profiles, searching for the perfect family to parent their child. But I'm just struggling. I know that Kyle and I have so much to offer a baby. Everything from love, to financial security, to family, ect. But I just don't know how to put it in words without sounding like we're trying to sell ourselves. I want to be sincere and genuine. But I also want to make sure to show how great we really are, and how much we will love a child, and what wonderful parents we might be!

Everyone is telling me to just write what is in my heart. But there is so much in there, and it's patchy in places, and words disappear into the holes.

I know that it will come to me. But for right now, I'm kind of stumped. Other adopters, please tell me this is normal!!!

Days like today leave me smiling!

Today, not only did I mail a large packet of paper work to our agency, but our baby bedding also arrived! I LOVE it! The colors were very true to what it looked like online, but it's even more beautiful in person! I just sat on the floor staring at it and touching it. I cannot believe that this is the crib bedding for OUR baby! It's finally become more real! Hopefully by this time next year, there will be a baby, OUR baby, sleeping on this bedding in that crib! For the past nearly four years, I have always said that. "By this time next year, hopefully..." But this time, it's way more of a reality that it has ever been before. I have no words for how excited that makes me! It's almost finally our turn! And we have waited a very very long time! Hopefully it's smooth sailing from here!

I'm a little sad tonight. Not tremendously, but enough. I just feel like we aren't getting the excitement and support from several people who I thought would. And I know it's not because they don't care. And I'm willing to bet it is because they are worried about us getting our hopes up, then smashed. But it's not like that this time. I guess I just was hoping to be treated like a pregnant woman would get treated. I should have known better though. And I don't know if it's "fair" to expect that, but I think it is. Kyle and I are "expecting" our baby. The only difference is that we just don't know when ours will be here. Oh well. I know that most people don't know enough about adoption to know the rules, protocol, or how the prospective adoptive parents should be treated. Such is life, I suppose.

But either way, today was a good day and I'm not going to let that get me down! I mailed the packet off, I received a package, I had lunch with a couple of friends, and I bought a new purse and new shampoo today! Don't judge on the shampoo! It's exciting! I love to have at least 3 different sets in my shower at all times! Haha! It really is the small things in life!

I started and deleted this post several times. I have so much to say, but I don't know how to say it. I'm bitter, sad, and cranky today. I don't want to feel this way about a stupid, insignificant holiday, but I do. I cried last night and today. I have not cried over all of this mess in quite some time. Tears used to be a regular thing when we were TTC. But since adoption came into our lives, they've become and fewer and more far in between. But last night. I don't know what happened. But I cried. And then I cried again this morning. I've been pretty emotional lately, in general though. I don't know if it's because starting the home study process made things real, or what. Being reminded of how many of my friends are Moms today was no fun. I mean, I know who is a Mom. But today, everyone going on about how lucky they are to have their children, and what their kids made for them today, and how they couldn't wait to spend the day with their family. Of my friends in real life, there are only a very small handful of them that don't have kids. And mostly it's because they just haven't been ready yet. I only have one friend that I know in person who has struggled like I have. And she adopted her son in January. I wish we lived closer together. But she is always there to help me out and prove that their will be in end to this someday. I wish that I could sit down with all of my adoption bloggers and just hang out. Laugh, cry, eat, maybe have some cocktails. I love knowing that I "know" others who have been through/are going through the same things. But I hate that you are all just on this screen. Anyone want to road trip to upstate New York? LoL

I know this post is all over the place, but then again, mine usually are. Here's hoping to waking up in a better mood tomorrow. And if I don't wake up that way, then surely I will be after I drop off a large packet for the agency, at the post office!

And by the way, Happy Mother's Day to all of you Moms! Whether you have your babies already, waiting for your babies to come, and especially to those of you who have angel babies in Heaven. Big hugs to all of you! And I'm so glad that I can call you my friends! Thanks for always lending an ear...er...eye.

8 Things

Following the lead of my friends Brina and Beth, I decided to do my 8 Things Lists.

8 T.V. Shows I like to Watch:

1. Will & Grace
2. Glee
3. House
4. Weeds
5. True Life
6. 16 and Pregnant, and Teen Mom. It's a sick obsession! I can't help it!
7. Anything on HGTV
8. What Not to Wear

8 Favorite Places to Eat & Drink:

1. The Cheesecake Factory
2. The Melting Pot
3. Starbucks
4. Sonic
5. My Momma's Kitchen
6. Red Robin
7. Deep Creek Catfish. It's a must every time I go home!
8. The Circus Cafe. It's a new favorite, thanks to my new location!

8 Things I look Forward to:

1. Becoming a Mommy!
2. The Macready Family moving out here.
3. Building up a new clientele for my photography "business".
4. Exploring the beautiful state of New York!
5. Going to St. Louis to see my best and meet her new baby girl!
6. Putting together our nursery in the next few months.
7. Hopefully having some guests come out and visit us.
8. Starting my new job! Weird, I know! Haha!


8 Things I like about Fall (Change it to your favorite season):

1. Everything pumpkin!
2. Hot apple cider.
3. The colors.
4. The crisp air.
5. Being homestudy complete by then.
6. My birthday.
7. Halloween.
8. Everything! I love fall!


8 Things on my Wish List:

1. A baby.
2. Money for said baby.
3. Clothes, gear, and fun stuff for the baby! (I'm seeing a trend here...)
4. A new camera. I have my eye on the Nikon D90!
5. A video camera.
6. A new wardrobe. (A new body to go with it would be spectacular as well!)
7. A giant bathtub!
8. Another night out with all of my girls in Washington!



8 Things I’m Passionate About:

1. My marriage.
2. Family.
3. Friends.
4. Photography.
5. Adoption.
6. Animals.
7. Coffee.
8. Laughter.



8 Things I Learned From the Past:

1. Live and let live.
2. People love to try and give you unsolicited advice.
3. Manners matter.
4. Having sex does not always equal pregnancy! Or in my case, does not ever equal!
5. People don't really hate gossip and drama as much as they claim to.
6. Best friends are forever.
7. I am going to be one hell of a mommy some day!
8. And I have the best husband/friend/future daddy that I could ever hope for!


8 Places I would Love to go Visit/See:

1. Greece
2. Hawaii
3. Thailand
4. Norway
5. Australia
6. New York City. This one will be taken care of at least once in the next few years.
7. Brina's hometown!
8. Anywhere tropical, exotic, and beautiful!

Taking names and kicking ass!

That's what I'm doing to this giant packet of paperwork! We went and got fingerprinted yesterday. We still need to get our physicals done, but since we just moved to a new town, we have to find a new doctor. And then we have to go through all of the lame stuff with Tri.care to set up a new PCM blah blah blah. I'm waiting for one of the doctor's offices to call me back to confirm that they are taking new patients. Umm..what else? Oh I need to make copies of our W-2s and tax forms. I ordered copies of our birth certificate, waiting for those to get here. But tomorrow, I'm sending off a packet of everything that we have done, to our agency! Once the background checks, fingerprinting, and a couple of other random forms get cleared, we will be assigned to a social worker.

I'm so glad that it's finally happening! It's nice to have something to focus on. Especially with Mother's Day in a couple of days. Every infertile knows how much this day sucks. ::thumbs down to being sad all day:: Keep your heads up girls, our time will come!

Anyway, nothing else to report for now. This was my half-assed attempt at an update! Haha! Our computer was majorly broken, but Kyle got it fixed, kind of. And now, he needs it back to work on it some more. I'm our! Enjoy your weekends, lovelies!

It's finally here!

Good things happen when you put on a bra and venture outside! I found my GIANT packet of home study materials in there! YAY!

I was so super excited to open it up and check everything out! But my excitement quickly turned into being very overwhelmed! Oh. My. Gosh. I always knew how much there was to it. But seeing it, in person, on MY counter top? ::thud:: And then, the overwhelmed turned into angry. It makes me so angry at how much prospective adoptive parents have to go through. No one else has to complete a mountain of paper work, get finger printed, take classes, have a background check, get a physical, or pay thousands of dollars to take home their baby. I just don't get it.

But whatever. The fact of the matter is that after deciding months ago that we were going to adopt, waiting until we knew where and when we were moving, and finally getting settled into a new place, we can now officially begin the home study process! I have been waiting 6 months for this! Hopefully tomorrow, Kyle will get home from work at a decent time, and we can call our family advocate at the agency so she can go over it all with us. And then, once we send them another check, we will be assigned a social worker. Wouldn't it have just made sense to send it one check for all three things at the same time? Apparently not. ::shrugs:: But hey, what do I know? I'm just the wallet! And by I, I mean Kyle, since the Mrs. is currently not working! LoL

I'm excited to get going! I'm excited to put together our profile! I'm just excited! Any advice for the new kid at school? I've been hanging around out front all year, but they finally let me in! I'm cool! I'm funny! Be my friend?

Put on a happy face!

Still no package, but I holding out faith that it will be here in the next few days! They cashed our check on Thursday, so it can't be too far off right?

I am definitely seeing a resemblence between TTC and adopting, lots of waiting! Haha! But this waiting is so much more exciting and hopeful than with TTC. I've been realizing lately how glad I am that we were able to let go and move on. Maybe somewhere down the road, we'll want to try again, but for now, I am so completely excited about what is to come! I haven't felt this way since we first began trying to get pregnant, way back in 2006! Back when I was naive, and thought that having sex led to getting pregnant! ;) I can now start a sentence with, "WHEN we have our baby"! It's amazing, I tell you! A friend and I were talking the other day, and we realized that I would be the mother of a toddler when we leave here! The age range could definitely vary, but either way, a toddler! And that blows my mind! "Normal" people get to say that, not IFers. Normal women who decide that they would like to avoid a summer pregnancy so they're going to get pregnant in August, or who don't want to their baby to enjoy their first Christmas, so they plan to have their baby in January. Oh what that must be like to only have experienced the rejection of only a few pregnancy tests. But you know what, it's okay. It's okay because I'm getting my baby! It may not be through the conventional way. It may not be the normal path. But what is normal, anyway? And I can guarantee that my baby will be so loved, so appreciated, and so adored that it won't matter how he/she came to us! That's our baby, and that's all that matters!

So for today, I am happy! Who knows how long it will be until I hear another pregnancy announcement, or baby shower invite, or belly pictures, or seeing sweet tiny babies everywhere I go, and I come crashing down again. But I will enjoy it while it lasts, and continue dreaming of the day (that is hopefully not too far away) when I am holding my baby!

And in case the sweetness of this post didn't give you a toothache, here is the onesie I bought yesterday. It's kind of boy-ish, but I couldn't pass it up, because any child of my husband's will probably feel accordingly! Haha!


Now, I need to go put on a bra so that I can walk to the mailbox and check tha mail! Stay classy! ;)

Our first big purchase!

Yesterday we made our first big baby purchase! Well, minus the checks I have sent the agency so far! Haha! We bought our crib bedding! Yay! I'm so excited! We were going to wait, but I found a great deal and couldn't resist! Plus, I found this one months ago, and even after I kept looking, I never found one I liked more! So I know that this is the one! I can't wait to get it in the mail! I won't start decorating just yet. I'll probably wait like I had orginally planned, and start after we are homestudy complete, and "paper pregnant".

Here is a picture of it! The set comes with the crib quilt, the flat sheet, a bumper, a crib skirt, and the mobile. It's too cute!


Now if only I can find that wall decal somewhere. I have looked everywhere, but no luck! Hmph.

Well my dears, my wonderful husband has grilled a fantastic smelling dinner, so I must go! Hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend! I know I am!