Tarnished.

I hate that my feelings have to tarnish everything. But I can't help it. After everything we've been through, those feelings and emotions are there. And they effect my life. I can't hear a pregnancy or birth announcement without having that bit of resentment. I can't buy baby gifts for others without desperately wishing that it was for my baby. And I can't see a happy little family without biting back the tears.
Wednesday, my brother and his wife will be welcoming their first child into the world. My big brother is going to be a daddy to a baby boy. And while I am so happy for them (they were IFers too), I still can't help but feel that sharp pain of sadness/jealousy/resentment. It seems like they just found out they were pregnant last week. Time flies.
In the last four years, I have seen so many people get pregnant and have their babies. And a lot of them I've seen do it more than once. Everyone around me is building their families. While we have been working at trying to build a family for nearly four years. Life is not fair. So cliche', but so true. I know that we are getting so close to finally achieving the dream. Closer than we've ever been before! But until we have our baby in our arms, it's just not close enough.

On a brighter note, I am so thrilled for all of my adoptive mommy friends out there who have recently been matched and/or brought home your babies! How exciting! It seems like it's been a baby boom in the adoption blogger world in the last few weeks! Congratulations to you all!!! I cannot wait for our turn! But in the meantime, I will bask in your glow. And you are all helping to keep me optimistic! Eyes on the prize, as they say! And for those of those that are still waiting (IFers and waiting to adopt), we'll get our babies, one way or another, they will come to us. Keep your chins up, and your cocktail glass full! ;)