Surprise surprise.

The first month back was a fail. Not that I'm surprised. I fully expected it not to work. I started my second round of Femara on Wednesday. And once again, I'm not expecting to get pregnant this month. I just have a feeling that this isn't what I need. Next month, after my period shows up, and I call my doctor's office to get more meds, I'm going to make an appointment to go back in to talk to Dr. Bob again. This time Kyle wants to come with me. We're going to see if after two unsuccessful rounds(and by two, I mean more like 15!), he'll move on to something else. And if not, maybe at that point we can be able to go down to SRM.

Next month will be the three year mark of trying to get pregnant. It's going to be hard. And it's not getting any easier. Starting in October, the first friend of mine that is pregnant is due. And then it seems like every few weeks after her, it will be someone else's turn to go into labor. This is going to keep happening, one after the other until at least into March or April. And I guarentee, during that time, more friends and people I know are going to turn up pregnant. I'm certain I'm going to be fairly miserable. I have recently realized that I am so very close to being that woman who bursts into tears at the site of babies or bellies. I do not want to be her, but I can feel it coming. I feel really awful for whoever is with me when that happens. It is not going to be cute.

Today, I was in Babies R Us with one of my pregnant friends. That store loves to rip my heart to pieces. But I put myself into the position to be tortured. I dont' know why, but I do. I'm surprised I held my shit together in there. But I did. And I made it out alive.

Anyways, I hadn't updated in awhile, and I figured it was about time. Nothing new to report, as usual. I really hope to one day be able to announce that I am finally pregnant...but I'm not quite sure that day will ever come...