I found out a good friend from back home is pregnant. They weren't even trying yet, about to start. She had told my Mom that she was nervous about telling me. But she did not seem all that concerned when she shouted it out on my Myspace. I just don't get it. Why is it so easy for some? Here we are, wanting it more than anything. We want a family so bad that we are getting ready to drop at least $15,000 on a CHANCE that we might get pregnant. And that's if we go IVF. It'll be more if we do adoption. Fifteen THOUSAND dollars. That is so much money. But we are more than willing to pay it. I just hate this.
I'm back at the point where I've been thinking about starting back trying again. But the thing is that I want to do it right this time. I want the best doctors, which means going to Seattle Reproductive Medicine. They are phenomenol there. I have heard nothing but good. But they don't accept Tricare(even though Tricare doesn't cover infertility treatments, they do cover diagnosis, office visits, and usually lab work when it's accepted by the doctor) which means everything will be out of pocket. And we can't afford to do that just yet. Hopefully I can find a job soon. Kyle just made rank, and should start getting paid for it sometime in the next few months. And plus, with his re-enlistment bonus, assuming we still go that route, that will all help. But we have to wait until that all comes together.
I'm just so tired of waiting. Waiting for something that might take years. Waiting for something that might not ever happen. And I'm tired of always complaining about this whole thing. Ugh. At least, posting it here, only the people who want to read it will. As opposed to posting it on Myspace where you never know what you're going to get in a blog. I don't feel bad putting it up on Blogger because the people who read it know what this blog is for. But I can't quit complaining, but it hasn't stopped hurting. Maybe it will one day. But probably not.
Anyways, I guess I'm done for now. I need to suck it up and go try to be productive.
2 comments:
People's actions tend to speak louder than their words...that's for sure.
That sucks about SRM not taking Tricare.
You aren't really complaining Tiff... You are expressing your feelings about something that is truly HORRIBLE. It hurts and this is your outlet.
Let it out girl. You can't bottle it up....
Yeah, I don't understand people who say one thing, then do something that seems to be completely opposite. I hate finding out about pregnancies online, it just makes it less personal and a lot more painful. I'm sure this is something that you'll carry with you throughout your life(me too), but hopefully when/if we get our little ones, the pain will heal, but we'll be the wiser and more sympathetic to others for what we've been through.
Life sucks sometimes, but all you can do is continue to push through.
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