We met her!

 This weekend, Kyle and I took quite the little road trip. We drove 11 hours to Cincinnati, spent 18 hours there, and then turned around and came back home. The point of this trip? We met "R". The woman who has chosen us to raise her son. I am so glad that we had the opportunity to do this! It was such an incredible feeling to meet her and talk with her, face to face. Even though our meeting was short, and there wasn't a whole lot said, we walked away feeling really good about things. She seems confident in her decision of her adoption plan, and confident in her decision as us as Baby Boy's parents. He will arrive in 4-6 weeks! Eeeek! So exciting! When she goes into labor, we will be returning to Cincinnati.

I have been shopping like crazy! I just can't help myself! I finally have the opportunity to buy baby stuff for MY SON! And oh my gosh, this kid will be so styling, it's ridiculous! haha! He's going to be a little miniature Kyle, with the clothes that I have bought. Love it!

We are completely ready for him to come home. As soon as he's ready, so are we! I cannot believe that I am finally going to be a mommy! This thought still blows my  mind.

*SQUEEEEEEE*

Are you ready for this?!?

As of yesterday, Kyle and have been officially matched!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my gosh! STILL cannot believe it! the profiling opportunity that talked about last week, well she chose us! Baby boy is due June 9th! less than two months away!!!!!

I spoke with her on the phone last night. And it was so nerve wracking! and in 2 or 3 weeks we wiil go to Ohio to meet her in person. am so anxious/nervous/excited to meet her! what do i do? what do say?! any tips/suggestions/advice are are so very appreciated!

Anyway, now that been matched, hopefully l'll be better at keeping you all updated! please keep us in your thoughts in the next two months!
*hus and kisses*

Photos!

Since the weather has been cold, I haven't done a done of photo shoots (for fun or for clients), but here's a photo post of some of my most recent shots. I'm so glad the weather is finally warming up again! Enjoy!

I love love love this shot!

Icicles!

Katie and Maddie are getting SO big!

I love these little girls!

Pretty sure they love me back.

Another recent favorite. I love the simplicity of it.

It was -10 degrees this night!

9 years and still smiling!

This was the night of the "Super Moon".

Never too old to play in the snow!

Me and my best had a great time!

This is where we went for our anniversary weekend! It was AMAZING!

Tootsies in the tub!

I don't know what it was about this water bottle, but it caught my attention.

A gorgeous day in Lake Placid, NY.

The front of the hotel we stayed at.

This was before our couple's massage!

Happy Anniversary, Boo!

*sigh*

As usual, I have stayed away again for nearly two months. But as always, I have returned for a few minutes! I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately, and I just need a place to vent. Even with all of my other social media outlets, this vent is best placed here. Y'all get me here. You have all been through what I'm going through. And I love that. Well, that is assuming anyone still reads me anymore! I suck at this game. We've established this. Sorry! 

Anyway, I've been getting down again. I know this routine well. But I still hate it. It's now been about a year since we started the adoption process.  And it's been almost 7 months of officially waiting. When we first started, I was naively optimistic. I thought surely we would be matched within a few months. *sigh* What was I thinking? We  have now had  6 profiling opportunities. Two chose another family, three we had to turn down because of money (that is the WORST feeling!), and one is still viewing. Though, I am definitely not getting my hopes up. I was just so excited to not have to say no to being shown! I'm just so ready to meet our baby. And I wish I knew when that would be. Our nursery has been ready for months. We have a dresser full of clothes; boy, girl, and unisex. We have our car seat and stroller. We have baby essentials. We have everything we need, except the actual baby. And of course in the mean time, everyone else doesn't stop announcing their pregnancies. That has gotten easier over time, but it still hurts. A lot. I seriously feel like that will never be us. I won't be the girl who tries for years and years. There will come a point when if it hasn't happened yet, I will just have to walk away. I think I'll know when I hit that point. I knew when I got to that point with TTC. *shrugs* 

There's also another very major thing happening right now. And though it isn't actually happening to me, it still affects me. And it is absolutely breaking my heart. I hate it so hard. And I'm not ready for it. But it's going to happen regardless. Life really loves to kick you in the balls when you're already down, huh? Thanks, life. You really suck, sometimes. 

I thought I would feel better after typing this out. But I don't. Not about any of it. I just wish there wasn't so much unknown going on right now. I wish I had answers to all of my questions. I wish my heart wasn't breaking into a million pieces. I wish that I had patience, hope, understanding, and faith in everything that's going on. But I don't. Not much, anyway.

As always, I hope you are all doing well! I hope more of you have finally ended your waiting. And I hope those with your babies are enjoying every single moment! I have no doubt that you are though. 

*hugs and kisses*

Hello Friends!

Would'ya look at that! It's not even been 2+ months and I'm updating again! *gasp* Shocking, I know. ;)

I figured I had something semi-update worthy. We had another profiling situation this past week. That's the 4th one, for those of you who are keeping score. And for the second time, we had to turn it down. Once again, it was just too much money. We have an amount set aside, and it's just not possible for us to go much over that. Unfortunately, this situation was almost 10 grand more than our amount! It was a referral from a law firm, so we would be paying their fees and our agency fees. Of course, I was so sad. I hate having to say no to a potential chance. It breaks my heart. But it is what it is, I suppose.

We just passed the 5 month mark of officially waiting. And we are coming up quickly on the one year mark of starting the adoption process. Where does the time go??

Speaking of time flying, we have been living in New York for almost a year now. And we still really like it here! Also, next month will be mine and Kyle's 7 year wedding anniversary, and 9 years of being together! I cannot believe that! He has already planned a romantic anniversary weekend get-away next month. But he won't tell me where! I'm sure it will be a wonderful time! Even after 9 years, I still love him like crazy! And I can't imagine my life without him! *swoon*

That's about it for excitement around here. I'm just trying to keep my chin up. I'm am an eternal optimist. Though the last 4.5 years have definitely left their mark on my heart. I will go on. And I won't be giving up anytime soon. I hope you all are doing well! Thinking of you all often!
Smooches!

I felt the need to blog. I have no idea what I want to blog about. Maybe something will come to me as I start rambling. But I just needed to write something. So here I am. Head's up. It will probably just been meaningless babble. If you want to leave, here's your chance! Haha!

Things have been okay. Right now, I've got a cold. I have been dodging this thing all winter, but it finally caught up to me. And I feel like crap. But I guess it was inevitable huh? I almost made it to February without one. So close!

We're getting a ton of snow right now, and I love it! People keep asking me if I'm sick of it yet. Nope! I think it's great!

A couple of weeks ago, I got into a funk. For about a week, I was sad, weepy, pouty, angry, and just all around pessimistic. It wasn't anything new. I get into a big one from time to time. I figure it's to be expected though, right? But there were a couple of days in there that all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry. And I did. I barely talked to anyone, in real life and on-line, including Kyle. I just kind of moped around. But then, like always, I pulled my shit together and got on with life.

The last four and a half years have been a filled with ups and downs. Probably more downs than ups, but such is life, I suppose. We are now at 4.5 months of being home study complete. That's practically half way through an actual pregnancy. But I don't have a due date. I have no idea how long the gestation period on our paper pregnancy is. It could be over tomorrow, or it could be another year or more. I hate the not knowing part. *sigh* Lord knows I could go on and on about how unfair life is. But what's the point. I've done it before, I'm sure I'll do it again. And most of my readers (assuming anyone is still reading), know that song and dance all too well themselves. Most days, I am able to be completely optimistic. I know in my heart that our baby will be home with us someday. But then there are the days where I just want to give up. Say forget it all, and go on to lead the rest of our lives without kids. But that's not what I want. I want more than anything to be a mommy. So for now, for today, I will hold on to the hope that it will happen.

I'm feeling awfully nostalgic tonight. I finally watched "Dear John". And it took me back to several different places. It took me back to when Kyle and I first started dating. There is nothing like those new love butterflies. And though Kyle still finds a way to give me butterflies, they're different. It also reminded me of when he went away to boot camp. That was our first time apart. And I thought my world was over when I had to tell him bye. At the time, that was the worst possible thing that could happen to me. Oh if I only knew then what I knew now...And then of course, it took me back to when we lived in Charleston. I absolutely loved it there! And I have so many great memories from there. Three of the biggest ones being that's where Kyle proposed, it's where we got married, and its where we lived together for the first time. Charleston, SC will always hold a special place in my heart.

Alright I'm done. I just needed to write it out. I hope you are all doing well! And I do miss hearing from you guys! But I guess I should actually come around more for that to happen, huh? Anyway, this girl is taking some meds, and taking her sick butt to bed.

Yes I know, it's been two months...

Hi Ya'll! Yes, I realize that it has been two months since I have posted a blog! Sorry! But I have had nothing to talk about. Things are still the same. Now that the nursery is done, and all we can do is wait, I try to keep my mind off of the whole thing. When I start thinking about everything, I get sad, and I'm not so much a fan of that mood.

We are now at just over 3 months of officially waiting, and just over 8 months since we officially started the adoption process. We survived another round of birthdays, and another holiday season; all with empty arms. This Christmas, I couldn't even bring myself to think the thought, "Surely next year we'll have a baby at Christmas." I have thought that every year for the past 4 years. I couldn't do it this year. I'm not sure if it's because I don't believe it anymore, or if it just hurts to think about if I'm wrong.

In our 3 months of waiting, we have only had 3 profiling opportunites. I know there's no "normal" amount. But is that more, less, or about the same as everyone else's situation? The first one we had to decline, and the other two, the birth mother chose another family. I know with the most recent one, she chose a family that already had a little girl because she wanted a sibling for her daughter.

What else?? Oh! My family was so incredibly sweet this year for our Christmas gifts. My parents sent us money AND a gift card for Babies R Us. But what was really sweet was what my Mom wrote in the card. She doesn't normally talk about it much, unless I bring it up. And I think it's just because she's scared to see me get hurt. But she went on to tell us how we're going to be great parents, and how she wanted us to get something that her grandbaby would love. I cried. It was so incredibly sweet, and she has no idea how much that meant to me. And then my sisters bought me the most adorable stuffed animal for the nursery! Have you seen these? They are so sweet! They bought us the monkey! Kyle calls me Monkey (long, silly story). You put a scented pouch in the back of it, and it makes it smell wonderful! I had mentioned to them a few months ago that I thought they were cute, and would like to get one for the nursery. They remembered. That also made me cry. Haha! You all know too well that I am a big ole crybaby. But things like that just make me a blubbering mess. Clearly, the Christmas was filled with lots of emotions, as usual! But luckily this year, there were happy tears in there as well.

Before I go, how is everyone doing? I admit, I haven't read anyone's blogs in a very long time. Like I said, I just try to keep my mind off of it all. How is everyone doing? Have I missed any matches or placements or births?? Fill me in! I think about you guys all of the time! And I hope everyone is doing great! Hopefully 2011 will be our year! But only time will tell.

XOXOX

Photos of the nursery!

 I finally took pictures of our now painted nursery! It looks so great! I LOVE it! And I cannot wait to bring home our little Babycakes Cope! We haven't received anymore calls since the one a few weeks ago. But after four years of playing this game, waiting is definitely nothing new to us! We have been staying incredibly busy! I am a HORRIBLE bloggy friend, and I am so so so very far behind on reading! I'm sure I've missed all kinds of important stuff. :( I'm working on getting caught up though, I promise!

Anyway, not much new going on. Nursery is painted. Kyle has been working on sanding and re-painting some furniture for the room. And next, he'll be starting on the bookcase that he wants to build! I need to figure out what I where I want to put what on the walls...I want to work in my photography somehow. But I'm not sure how...ideas?

Alright, here are the photos that you've been waiting for! I hope everyone is doing great!!!

No news. And some photos!

Nothing new to report on the adoption front. We haven't gotten another call since the one on Kyle's birthday. We've been paper pregnant for a month, as of tomorrow. Still early in the game, don't worry. I haven't lost any hope yet!

We finished painting the nursery this weekend! And by we, I mean Kyle. He's my own personal superstar! He hates painting so much, but knew how much I wanted that room done. He's so good to me! It looks so great! The colors are perfect! Once Kyle takes the tape and plastic off, I will take a picture of the room. My friend Brina is going to help make curtains. We already have the bedding. And I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with the walls. Oh! Kyle is also going to build a bookshelf/toy box too! And he's been sanding down an old end table, as well. We are so excited to finally be preparing for Babycakes Cope! I should have my registry complete soon too! But I don't know what to do from there. I don't want to put it out there, and make people think that I expect them to buy us stuff. Because I don't, at all! But I know so many of our friends have asked about one...how do I give it out without looking tacky?

Thank goodness it's a short week. Today was so long! I slept like crap last night, and woke up to the lovely "Flo" this morning. Thanks dearheart, but you can leave now. I get the worst cramps, and it makes life miserable for a couple of days. Luckily I'm off tomorrow. We bought a new dryer two nights ago, and it will be delievered tomorrow. Perfect excuse to lay around the house all day, waiting for them to come.

I think that's about it to report for now. We did our scenic day trip this past weekend. It was gorgeous! I love fall! Want to see some pictures?? I hope so, because I'm going to anyway! Sorry for the overload! Ya'll know that I'm a photo fanatic and I can't control myself! And these are only a few of the several hundred that I took! ;) Enjoy!

Our first profile view!

We finally had a chance to be profiled! And oh my gosh, what a whirlwind it was! I got a call from our agency around 9 this morning. She told me that they were sending over profiles to a birth mother, for a baby boy born two days ago! And they were leaving in about half an hour! Kyle was at work, so I had to call around, until I was finally able to get ahold of him, to make sure that we had the "ok" from him. Unfortunately she ended up choosing another family. But still, it's nice to finally have that first one out of the way! And like I keep telling myself, you have to go through some "no"s before you get to your "yes"!

Today was Kyle's birthday. Brina and I made him cupcakes for him to take to work. The boys really appreciate when I send goodies! He said they were demolished really quick! And then tonight, we went out with the Macready family for dinner. We both worked all day, but we still had a nice night.

I think this weekend we are going to do the drive up to/through Vermont. Fall is here, and it is absolutely beautiful! I can't wait to take pictures! Hopefully the weather cooperates! Right now, we're getting all of the gross weather from the hurricane. It's pouring, and the wind is blowing like nobody's business!

Hmm...let's see...what else? What else? I'm sure there was something else. But I'm tired. And ready for the weekend! Hope you all have a fabulous one!

Slacker!

I can't believe I haven't posted about this yet, but I've been kind of busy the last few days!
Anyway, on Thursday I received a call from our agency. It was for our first profiling opportunity! Exciting right?! I was so thrilled! And it all seemed fantastic! It was a little boy, due at the end of October. I know right?! But unfortunately, we had to turn it down because the fees were too much. E-mom is in FL. And after we added in an estimated travel expense amount, we just didn't think we could swing it. I was crushed. I know that it's awesome that we had a chance so quickly. But it was just such a painful reminder of all that we have to go through to become parents. How many people have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars to have their family? Or better yet, how many don't? It sucks. But what can you do right? I should just be grateful that we had a chance to be viewed, and just keep hoping that we don't have to wait long for another chance, and that the next time we'll be able to say yes.

September has been such a busy month! We've been on the go constantly! But you know what? I don't hate it! We're having a great time! And I just realized that Kyle's birthday is Thursday! I knew it was coming soon, but I didn't realize that September is already almost over. Nuts, I tell you!

My birthday is in two months. Brina's is a week before. We always do something together. Trying to figure out what this year's plans will entail. Whatever it is, I'm sure we'll have a great time!

It's officially fall now, and I love it! The leaves are changing, and oh my gosh! It's absolutely gorgeous! It's been a long time since I've gotten the full fall colors effect! Washington really is the evergreen state! I think next weekend we might take a day trip up to Vermont so that I can get some great photo opps. Don't worry! I'll share!

Anyway, I really need to go clean up around here. I have been reading, and keeping up with everyone! Just being a slacker on commenting. I'll try to get better.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

I've got a hot date tonight!

 Here is us the night that we found out that we were officially home study complete! The lighting was not so great in the house and it took 10+ photos to get this one. Kyle was less than thrilled. Haha! But for the last 8.5 years, he's been used to me shoving a camera in his face always! So he sucked it up and smiled like a good boy!

Tonight we're going out to dinner to celebrate! I think we're going to The Cheesecake Factory. Not only is it one of my all time favorites, but it's always been our kind of go-to place to celebrate anniversaries, my birthday, ect. Plus hello?! Cheesecake! Yes please!

Things are going great! Kyle is off the next couple of days, then will be back on a daytime schedule for the next two weeks or so. That will be nice! The rotating shift work takes some getting used to. But a.)we did it when we were in Charleston. And b.)Even with the constantly changing schedule, it's still waaaaaaay better than when we were in Washington. He comes home everyday! And that is awesome! His schedule here is crazy though. Starting Saturday, he'll work 7 days of daytime hours, then gets 2 days off, then he will work 4 days of daytime hours for training, then gets a 4 day weekend, then he works 7 days of swing shift (2 p.m.-12a.m.- I hate this one the most!), 2 days off, then 7 days of mids (10p.m.-8 a.m.), 2 days off, then starts back with days! Confusing right?! Haha! But that best thing is that it's set! I can look at a calender, two months from now and make plans. Which is a luxury we didn't have when he was on the Lincoln.

Anyway, now I'm just rambling. I should probably pull myself away from the computer and go shower, and I still need to figure out what I'm wearing. I hope you are all having a lovely week! And hopefully soon enough I'll actually have something exciting to blog about!

We are officially paper pregnant!

We FINALLY got our paper today saying that we are officially home study complete! We are now active at the agency, and our profile can now be shown. We are so excited!!! According to my ticker, its been exactly 5 months and 1 week since we started. I think I may do a new ticker starting with today. Not sure if Ill keep two, or have the new replace the old...

My phone has been blowing up today with texts, calls, Facebook, and Twitter notifications! We have received so much love, support, and excitement from everyone! To us, this is the equivalent of getting a positive pregnancy test! And its nice to see that so many people feel the same way, and our sharing in our excitement and joy. Now I can finally paint the nursery, buy some more stuff, and register without feeling like a complete loser! LOL

Today, one of my best friends took me shopping. She bought 3 outfits and a toy for little Babycakes Cope! I love that she is as into it as I am! Thats a good friend, right there! We also celebrated by shooting off some of those little plastic party poppers that shoot out confetti! Hehe! Weeeeeeee!

Anyway, I just wanted to share our great news with all of my lovies in the bloggy world! Thank-you all for all of the support that you have given me on here. You are all amazing, and I'm so glad to have "met" you! Hugs and love!

WTF September? Where did you come from?!

Seriously? It's September? Really? Am I on candid camera?

I cannot believe that August is over. It's going to be 2011 before we know it! That's crazy! Here is a list of things that I cannot believe, that come along with it already being the ninth month of the year:

* I cannot believe that it's been almost 5 months since we started the home study process. (And we still haven't received the final paperwork to be complete! Any day now?)

* I cannot believe that Kyle and I have been married for 6.5 years, and together for 8.5, as of this month.

* I cannot believe that as of this month, Kyle and I have been trying to build our family for 4 years. Gosh that's a really long time.

* I cannot believe that Kyle will be 26 this month, and I will too in just 2 months. i'm officially closer to 30, than 20.

* I cannot believe that at the end of this month, we will have lived in New York for 6  months.

Obviously a lot of disbelief comes with the start of September. Kyle and I have been through a lot together. And I have no doubt that we'll go through a lot more together. We should be home study complete any day now, and then the official waiting begins. I'm really hopeful and optimistic that maybe we can be matched by the end of the year. I know it's wishful thinking, but not entirely unrealistic. Only time will tell!

My parents and sisters are in Texas visiting my brother, his wife, and their new baby. I'm jealous that the whole family is there, but me! I wish I could have gone too. But hopefully this spring, we will all be able to go home at the same time. That's the possible plan, anyway. My Mom hasn't had all 4 of her kids home at the same time since 2006. Sad, right? It would be so great if we could all get together this spring, and even more amazing if Kyle and I go with a little one in tow!

That's all I've got for now kiddos. It's a "school" night, so I better get to bed before long. My fingers are crossed that by the end of the week we'll be paper pregnant!

Oh and by the way, my blog is currently under construction. My lovely PLP Brina is re-doing it for me. Looking good so far! And she also created a new button to match, so if you haven't yet grab it, and add it to your page! If you have one, let me know and I'll add it to mine!

*kisses*

Boo hiss!

I heard back from our social worker last night. Apparently he is out of town until late Friday night. Which means that the earliest he could get it notarized and back in the mail to the agency would probably be Monday. Meaning we won't receive it until the end of next week. Suck.
I know it's not a huge deal, because in reality, we're just waiting to be home study complete, so that we can wait to be matched. Hurry up and wait, as they say! But I was really anticipating being done a couple of weeks ago. *shrugs* Oh well. What can you do, right?

How long did your home study process take? We'll be just shy of 5 months, it looks like.

It's my day off. I have a ton of photos to edit. And we're having a BBQ this weekend, so I also need to clean some. But before I go, let me leave you with my newest work of art! I'm going to print each letter individually and hang them in our front hallway. Tell me what you think! I think I'm a fan!